11.07.2025

A puppet and a dog.

Trigger warning: manipulation, emotional abuse and s*x briefly mentioned

What does a manipulator does to you? They break you down and reassemble you like a custom puppet. They slowly empty you to then stuff you back with a brand new personality carefully crafted according to their liking.
They'll call it: Love.
They'll tell you that everyone else is lying to you, that only they are telling you the truth, that only they care enough about you to teach you "real life".
What are they doing trully? They are training you like a dog, chasing after praises from it's owner. You'll be brainwashed into thinking that everytime they hurt you, they do it for your own good. And you'll thank them for that.

The more they hurt you, the more they love, right?Because after all, they just want you to become the best version of yourself. Right?
The version of yourself that is the most suited for them.
You can do it, they believe in you they say... But with if you can't? Well, if you can't then it's going to be your fault. That's how it works with a manipulator. You are always going to be the problem.

You're so close from being perfect.
What a shame...
If only you had more money, if only you were not so shy, if only you were more confident, if only you did'nt have this fake depression, if only we had more sex.
You just need more money and a higher sex drive and you'd be perfect.
Yeah i know,so close... damn it...

But what if you can't? Are you really the one?

I wrote this earlier this month. I've been healing from this past relationship for the past 4 years and overall I think I'm doing a great job, I have grown so much since that time. When I wrote this I realized that even after 4 years, even when you're mostly healed, sometimes it takes years to fully understand who crazy thing were.
Imagine having your partner telling you that you are so close from being perfect, and hating yourself for not being what they expect you to be. I knew this was unfair, but only now am I realizing how fucked up that trully was.

I talked about being a dog because I was happy only when he told that I did a grat job, that he was proud of me. Only then I felt like I was not just a good patner but also a good personne. And I had this image of me, wagging my tail everytime he was pround of me for doing anything he told me to do.
What he wanted me to be was in my head, what I was supposed to be, to be at my best. And I felt like a failure everytime I could reach his expectations.

That is nowhere near normal. A lover wants you to be the best version of yourself, for yourself. Not for them. But this is something I had to learn the hard way. It's okay, I stopped blaming myself for that.